When you start to think that you’re doing everything right, it will be your downfall. It becomes about you doing what you know to do, instead of doing what the person in front of you needs. It is about you loving, and your performance of that task? Or is it about the specific love the person in front of you needs? Love never fails, but true love stoops below to lift up the other, and often needs to look different for different people.
We were never meant to live outside of continual communion with our Father.
What is beautiful, after all? And I am not saying beauty isn’t good, because it is; God made it, but using it to compare one person to another is not something, I believe, that occurred in the Garden. Beauty became a kind of point system to determine worth when the relationship with God was broken.
Ok, y’all, it’s about to get real. I haven’t written in a while, and I have a feeling it’s about to pour out.
I posted a few weeks ago that if the Lord looks at the heart first and foremost, then shouldn’t we? This has been a stirring of my heart for a while now, because ever since I was old enough to start noticing guys and being interested in them, I was only seeing them with my natural eyes, and I was only looking at their physical appearance. Then of course, personality and getting along well would seal the deal. That’s how it works, right? Wrong.
I’m going to be honest and raw here for a moment. I have three older brothers and always have had mostly guy friends. Growing up and even today, I have always heard what those guys wanted and preferred in a girl. “He” wants tall, athletic, skinny, and blonde, while “he” prefers short, petite, brunette, curly hair, and maybe a little foreign-looking wouldn’t hurt. But “he” likes short, athletic brunettes, straight hair, while skinny and yet curvy, too. “He” isn’t scared to admit “he” truly wants to marry Taylor Swift. The list goes on and on. Chances are, if I’m close with a guy, I could tell you what I’ve heard him paint as his ideal girl. And you know what? At first, it just put a lot of pressure on me, not knowing how I could fit into a dream image of even just one guy one day. Would “he” be disappointed that I don’t look like what “he’s” always imagined? Then, it started to disgust me, because I realized these guys, including my own brothers at times, were being attracted to girls without even knowing them at all. That just didn’t sit right with me.
And here’s some more honesty for you: then, I realized I had my own list. The guy I would picture in my mind when I thought about the future looked like this: Tall, much taller than me actually. The taller, the better. But, he couldn’t be too skinny. He would be very muscular and athletic. He had dark hair and dark features. Preferably blue eyes. He could get really tan, and could wear scruff well. I loved that. He could also pull off a full grown beard. He was a man’s man, an outdoorsy guy. It would just be icing on the cake if he could play some sort of instrument and sing well, and be good with his hands so he could help me build and work on projects.
How was it any different than the lists that disgusted me? That made me feel like I couldn’t fit in somewhere? That showed me we could be attracted to someone without even knowing them? It wasn’t different at all. I was just as guilty as the rest of them.
The Lord gave me a dream about 4 years ago that has stuck with me. I had been set up by family members to meet this ‘perfect’ guy. Everyone loved him and wanted us together. He was all of the things on The List, but more. His family was even extremely wealthy. They lived on a beautiful southern plantation estate, perfect for the ‘wedding of my dreams’. In the dream, his family was planning a ball to introduce me to the rest of their family and friends. I had a conversation with the guy, and I asked him if he thought us being together was what God wanted for us. He told me he believed God would honor it. But that wasn’t what I asked. Then, in the dream, I was outside beneath the beautiful oak trees that I so enjoy, and I was talking to God. I told Him, “I have to hear from You. If you say ‘yes’, then I’ll do it. But if You don’t say anything at all, that’s as good as a ‘no’ to me. I have to hear You say ‘yes’ or I can’t go through with this (the ball and soon-to-come marriage).” I woke up.
Since then, the Lord has been watering the seeds that the dream gave me. The seeds of:
Perhaps what I’ve always imagined I wanted, isn’t what I actually want at all.
Maybe the outside appearances don’t matter as much as I used to think they did.
Maybe something is entirely wrong when the way we as Christians go about relationships looks too much like the way the world goes about relationships.
Do I want to join a man that is tall, dark, and handsome & with whom I get along with super well that loves God and lives a good life, or a man that has an unshakable relationship with God and brings heaven to earth with every step he takes, no matter what he physically looks like as long as his heart looks just like God’s?
I know I want to end up with God’s best, but maybe my desire of what that is needs to change.
Maybe The List needs to be altered.
Maybe The List needs to be wiped away completely.
Maybe I don’t need any of that to satisfy me.
Maybe He is really enough for me, and gives gifts better than I could imagine.
Maybe I should trust Him to help me to be able to receive His gifts no matter what they look like, and stop putting limitations on Him by wanting the gifts to look a certain way.
These seeds have been growing in me for some time. Don’t get me wrong though, for a long time I would still see certain men and immediately be drawn to them and want to know them, solely based on my reaction to their physical appearance, while knowing little to nothing about them. Maybe I knew they were a Christian, too, or maybe I didn’t. Yet still I had a bias or preference. And then there would be His still, small voice, showing me that something just wasn’t right about that.
Because, y’all, something just isn’t right about that.
Maybe you saw your husband or wife and just knew there was something about them that you had to explore, and maybe that worked for you. Maybe God has totally blessed y’alls relationship. Maybe your heart was in a good place when it happened. But for way too many of us, for myself and so many that I encounter, something needs to change. We have to start being moved by The Spirit, and not just what we see.
I’m a strong believer that the Fall didn’t change our beauty, but it did change our perception of it and the value we place on it. & If God is looking at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7), shouldn’t we?
I’m here to propose that there is a better way to go about this relationship business. Again, maybe you did it differently and it has worked for you. I know relationships aren’t going to all look the same, but if you’re single right now, I have a few suggestions that I whole-heartedly believe will help us stay out of wrong relationships, guard our hearts as well as those around us, and end up in an amazing relationship that is completely blessed by the Lord and is a blessing to those around you.
To make this simpler, I’m going to try to put what the Lord has shown me into some helpful keys and ideas that you need to take to the Lord in your private quiet time and let Him mold into you and make your own:
Please, please, please, take these things and get alone with Him and ask Him to reveal to you the Truth in them so you can walk in more freedom, too. I used to just preach the message of not needing to be married to be happy one day, but now I’m actually living it and the fruit is heavenly. If you have questions, let me know. This post could’ve been much longer, but I think it’s quite long enough as it is hahaha. I just want everyone to discover true security and satisfaction in Him ALONE, like I am growing to do everyday. Love y’all!!!! :)
If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them. They are not a sort of prize which God could, if He chose, just hand out to anyone. They are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very centre of reality. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you: if you are not you will remain dry.
There is no battle between light and darkness. Darkness is no competition for light. You don’t flip a light on in a dark room and have to cheer for light and hope it might make the darkness leave. The darkness doesn’t have a choice.
The battle is between whether or not we will take our baskets off (Matt 5:14-16). Our love for Jesus was always meant to go public.
‘Faith without works is dead.’ Faith without works is like the body without the spirit. It has form, but denies the power, because life is missing.
I began to wonder if becoming a Christian did not work more like falling in love than agreeing with a list of true principles.
We need to have the same value on the seed as we do the fruit.
Redemption is you reaping what He sowed.
There is no explanation good enough for unbelief, and there is none necessary for faith.